I have a theory, one that I am sure every mom in my life has heard, I call it the car theory. Your cars job is to get everyone from point A to point B, safely efficiently and quickly. If you haven’t done basic maintenance on the car you’re going to have issues. Gas, oil, good tires, and regular tuneups are required to keep your car in shape. We don’t question this, it is just a life truth.
Mom’s require the same upkeep, we require a minimum of rest, downtime, healthy foods and exercise on order to be able to tackle the 4 million things on our daily to do list. Why then do we put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list.
We know logically that if we don’t take care of ourselves we simply cannot take proper care of others..so why don’t we do it? Why do we think we can just go and go, give and give without filling up our tanks. The truth is we can’t. And because we try to, we burn out. We feel undervalued when the truth is when we don’t take care of ourselves we are “telling” our families we don’t need it, or deserve it . It’s our job.. it should be a priority to do some self care.
Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing, I pray you take a moment to take care of you. Whether it’s to workout, to get a massage or hell..take an extra 5 minutes locked in the bathroom on your phone .
If you don’t make yourself a priority, who will.
Thelma and Louise
Who is your Thelma?
Is there an Ethel to your Lucy?
In one of my first blogs I discuss soul mates, well I have a confession. I have an amazing soul mate, my younger sister. We were close growing up, we rarely fought, we enjoyed time together and were our own secret club. As we grew up, got married and had (A LOT of) kids it’s only gotten better . She gets me in ways even my husband of almost 20 years doesn’t, she knows why I chew on my lip and she is always down for an adventure. Since you’re reading this you probably know her and already know of our freakishly close relationship.
The real relationship I want to talk about however, is the relationship of our two daughters. My 10 year old and my 7 year old neice have a relationship that tugs at my heart each time they are together because they remind me of me and my sister, they are alike enough to have alot of similar interests and different enough to bring alot to the table.
Our girls grow and pull away from us, they will take on the world. While that is a nerve-wracking thought, I take alot of comfort in knowing they have each other. Because one of the things I have learned is that just like Thelma and Louise, Lucy and Ethel, when you’ve got a soul mate for a bestie, you can tackle anything life throws at you.
Me and one of my Yaya’s were talking about how life never turns out the way we planned.
And isn’t that the phrase, wanna hear God laugh? Tell him your plans..
I had always planned to be a mom to 4 kids, I always wanted to adopt and I figured my brother Eric, who is developmentally delayed would end up living with us. 4 kids and an Eric, that is what I prayed for. What I didn’t specify is which Eric and where the bonus kids would come from.
My prayers were abundantly answered when my brother in law eric moved in with us two years ago with his two kids. I am the Queen in a Kingdom of 7. 3 adults and 4 kids, two biological and two bonus. This family has surpassed all of my hopes and dreams, it is sweeter, bolder and more intricate than I’d anticipated.
I guess the reason it doesn’t turn out the way we planned is because there is so much better in store for us and we just have to get out of our own way.
So I haven’t talked about it here yet but two of my kids are bonus kids entrusted to King Charming and I to raise. They are our neice and nephew and without going into too much detail I will just say there was a lot of trauma involved in their prior home.
Today after two years I got to finally meet one of the angels who helped arrange to have them removed. Because the kids had lived in another state I hadn’t had the chance to meet her yet in person but we’d grown quite close through phone conversations and text. She is even lovelier in person by the way.
Anyway during our visit we got to discussing the situation in much greater depth and I was given so much more information. I’ll be honest my stomach turned and my heart broke for my babies. On one hand I’m glad I didn’t know because I just dealt with the children’s needs in front of me. I didn’t look at them or treat them as fragile victims. And I tried hard to see the miles of improvement they had navigated since then. But the other part of me wanted to hug then tighter and promise once again that I would fight like hell the rest of my life to keep them safe and protected from any who intend harm.
Meanwhile I was also given the chance to look at my two biological children and feel my heart swell with love and appreciation at the way they have navigated the last two years. I pray that in my mission to help my bonus babies heal and grow that my first two babies never for a second doubt my love and commitment to them.
It’s amazing isn’t it? This motherhood thing, one second I’m frustrated and overwhelmed, the next I’m bursting with joy at the amazing blessings in my life.
Have you ever felt like you were burdened by your blessings? Like everything you have ever prayed for and wished for, you’ve gotten it. Praise Jesus!! But now you have moments where you wish you hadn’t aimed so high..haha.
Don’t get me wrong, not once even for a second have I had any regrets. More like I have a lot of moments where I pray for a pause button. What mom doesn’t right? The ability to just click a button and have the whole world stop long enough for a bath, for a glass of wine. For a longer talk with my sisters..
I know that in even 10 years I will no longer have the incessant “Mom, mommy, Mommy Duck!” The teenage boys stampeding through my kitchen in a never ending train of food consumption, will have finally have left the station. I will no longer have my brief moments of peace interrupted by some life altering drama such as someone is wearing their siblings absolute favorite jacket, shirt, hat..”
My house will be quiet and my lap empty. I get all that. But man.. what I wouldn’t give for a long weekend Beach getaway. Alas I’m sure the beach will wait.. right?
Ok…goals.. when I’ve posted 20 more blogs I’ll tell people about it …maybe Haha. I’ve had great intentions for (apparently years) now. I am going to recommit again to using this to talk semi-openly about the amazing ups and downs of the insane magic life I lead.
Well I went to create a blog and found out one was still attached to my email address and found my old one!! I obviously did an amazing job at posting every couple of days, since I believe it’s been like 2 years. So… I looked at my bucket list from one of my old posts and got sort of teary eyed… its two years later and I graduated from college summa cum laude, I lost 80 pounds and have 2 more kids (plus a brother in law living with us but more on that later).
The reason I was thinking of creating a (ahem another) blog was because so MUCH has changed and I sort of need a “space” to write about it, to put it OUT THERE and then have the ability to reflect back on it, I don’t know if I will/should tell anyone about it, or invite them to read it, who knows. But regardless I am going to recommit to it at least for another 2 months since that’s about how long I lasted last time, ha-ha.
My new goals for this “Table Chat” are that as a mom who is now a working mom of 4, I have found an entirely new set of challenges to overcome, this is incredibly exciting and scary at the same time. Prince charming will be changing professions next year and that in itself will mean our entire family of 7 will be moving across country for probably the last time and we will need to figure out how to exist in this new chapter. In short: times they are a ‘changing.
If you are reading this and have not fallen asleep yet or wandered away (or more likely you’re a family member, yaya or friend I strong armed into reading this, sorry about that… I do love you and thank you!!) Then maybe stick around a bit longer and feel free to toss your ideas, comments and suggestions in to the reply box below.